From the 2008 Trip: Learning the Lesson of Tea

Our visits with the Iraqi refugee communities have yielded wonderful conversations about war and peace, life and love, and the similarities and differences between our two countries. However, perhaps the most surprising lesson I have learned is about a very important subject – tea.

I have shared tea with our Middle Eastern friends on a cliff overlooking Amman, in a fabulous Lebanese restaurant, and in the middle of “Carpet City” in Madaba. Typically the tea is served hot, in a very tiny glass, and filled to the brim. Most of the glasses do not have a handle, so this makes holding the glass extremely difficult. At dinner a few nights ago, one member of our group asked a particularly “colorful” woman from Baghdad why it is that the tea is so often served this way. When she did not offer a practical resolution to this complicated tea question, I suggested the best thing to do is to NOT fill the glass completely, but leave a little space at the top where you could hold it without burning your fingers. This provoked a stunning array of curses and warnings that went something like this: “No! No, for shame! Tea must always be served filled to the brim! It is a huge mark of shame to be served a tea not filled to the top! If you receive tea this way, this person is not your friend! They have shamed you! They have taken your head scarf from your head, thrown it on the floor, and stomped all over it!!!!!” This emphatic explanation did not address the practical concerns of holding a glass of scalding hot tea, but did provide some very useful lessons in proper Iraqi tea etiquette. It also succeeded in generating several fits of hysterical laughter around our table that continued throughout our dinner.

There are many ways to address the very serious concerns facing millions of Iraqi refugees, and many ways to foster understanding and respect between different cultures. In our Habitat build, we have literally learned to break down walls by building them. And at this particular dinner, it was a little glass of tea and a lot of laughter that brought us all closer together.

And please remember to always fill the glass...